TITLE:  Confluents
AUTHOR:  Anna Chait
E-MAIL ADDRESS:  paperheart@webtv.net
DISTRIBUTION:  Do not archive outside of Xemplary without
telling me.
SPOILER WARNING:  None
RATING:  Pretty darn clean (PG)
CLASSIFICATION:  Romance, Angst, Humor
SUMMARY:  A reunion of old college friends and a funeral
cause some turmoil for Scully.  Is she successful and by
whose standards will she judge her life?  Mulder stands and
waits---waiting.

**********************

Confluents
By Anna Chait

"As rivers seek the sea, Much more deep than they,
So my soul seeks thee far away:
As running rivers moan
      on their course alone,
          So I moan,
        Left alone."         Christina Rossetti
*******************************

She opened the envelope carefully, unwilling to tear the
heavy parchment. Nested inside was another envelope, from
which she removed a card that bore the embossed emblem of
her Alma Mater.

"The University of Maryland Alumni Association invites you
to a special celebration in honor of Dr. Karen Ramsey,
recent recipient of a Pulitzer Prize for Literature.  Join
us for the celebration at the Admiral's Club,...."

Karen Ramsey, Scully's best friend in college, had written
a bestseller.  A charming telling of her childhood on the
coastal Islands of South Carolina, it had come to the
attention of the Pulitzer committee and now she was being
honored by the Alumni association.  Scully felt
suddenly---inadequate.

They had roomed together at the University of Maryland
while Scully pursued her  physics degree.  She remembered
the little house they rented in College Park near the
campus.  Karen had started life with so many advantages,
and enjoyed sharing the privileges of that wealth with her
friends.

Had it really been that long?  Could that many years really
have passed?  It seemed such a short time ago that she'd
been in school.

Agent Scully had missed the ten-year class reunion because
of the Jeremiah Smith case.  Then Mulder was missing and
turned up in Canada.  Oh, and there was that man bleeding
to death in Mulder's hallway, the sighting of someone he
thought was his sister, his mother had a stroke...her life
and professional career was sounding more and more like an
episode of the twilight zone.

So the last thing on her mind had been the class of '86
reunion.

She lunched with the old crowd occasionally, but it had
been nearly a year since she had spoken to Karen.  As her
book raced up the bestseller list, her name and face were
everywhere and it was hard to catch up with her.

"Carolina" was a wonderful book and yes, she did own an
autographed copy, thank you very much.  She was happy for
her friend, and just a tiny bit envious.  Karen was
successful.

Mulder was impressed that his partner knew a Pulitzer
winner.  Sensing her uneasiness over the invitation, he
encouraged her to go.  He was sure that neither of them
spent enough time with real people, people who didn't know
anything about paranormal activities.  People who lived in
the light every day, whose definition of darkness was the
absence of sunlight not a place where the dregs of the
human race lived.

"Think about it.  There'll be people you know and like,
lot's of food and adult beverages.  Go on....you know you
want to go."  He said and nudged her arm playfully with his
elbow as he passed by her on the way to the coffee pot.

It might be fun.  "All right.  I'm gonna go.  But...you
wouldn't want to come with me, would you?"  It would be
more fun if he was there, but the moment she said it, she
regretted it.  Her invitation smacked of desperation.
"Free food, adult beverages?"

He smiled at her indulgently.  "Tell me that you're
hesitant about seeing old college friends?  Get out.  Are
you kidding me?  Dr. Dana Scully, Forensic Pathologist,
Agent for the FBI?  I'm impressed and they will be too."

Suddenly embarrassed, she lowered her head.  It sounded
like she was fishing for compliments, but she wasn't.  She
knew that in the eyes of others she was intelligent,
accomplished and sophisticated.  But was she successful?
It always seemed like there was something missing, that
there was a hole in the middle of her life and an ache in
her chest that never went away.  Why was there no really
deep connection to one being on the planet who knew her
deepest desires and fears.

She looked at her partner again.  She did feel a connection
to him, but she was afraid to try and define it.  That
would never do.  She'd shaken off the notion of Mulder
being Mr. Right so many times it was........

"You haven't answered my question." She insisted, once
again dismissing the idea of Mulder and romance.

He took up a position beside her, leaning back against the
desk, his shoulder touching hers.   "Come on, you don't
need me tagging along" he said, leaning closer to her until
she had to push back to stay upright.  "Go and show them
just who Dana Scully turned out to be."

He leaned forward, trying to catch her eye but her face was
hidden from his view by the fall of her hair.  After a
moment or two of consideration, she lifted her chin and
tucked her hair behind her ear defiantly and turned to
smile at him.  "You're right.  I'm going."

He winked at her and returned to the other side of his desk
to immerse himself in one of a new case file.  Scully
picked up her purse and reached for her coat.

"Where are you going?"

"Shopping.  This occasion requires a really smashing
dress."  She shrugged into her winter coat then turned back
to her partner.  "You're still coming over to help me with
the new stereo, aren't you?"

"Yep.  Pizza or Chinese?"

"You're choice.  See you later.  Oh, and Mulder?" she
paused at the door.

"Yes?", he asked lowering the file.

A reluctant smile tipped the corners of her mouth.  "Thank
you."

He put the file down and smiled openly at her.  "No
problem."

*********************

No problem indeed.  How could she not think she was a
success?  She could hold her own with--well, Congressional
investigative committees couldn't break her and she'd been
held in contempt of Congress.   In his mind she was brave
beyond belief.  What is it with women, he wondered. Even
the strongest woman he knew could be cowered by the thought
of a class reunion, of having to compare notes on how life
unfolded for them.

Was her life so awful, so devoid of accomplishments that
she couldn't go to a gathering of old friends and hold her
head up?   Wait.  What would she say?  Oh, yes, I've been
abducted by aliens, if you believe in that sort or thing.
At the very least I was taken by an international
governmental conspiracy group and experimented on by evil
men, who invaded by ovaries and stole my eggs and I
probably can't have children.  Oh, and my partner at the
FBI is "Spooky" Mulder, infamous in federal circles for his
own quirky belief that his sister was taken by aliens and
has been missing since 1973.   And then there was that
cancer thing, I almost died......yadda, yadda, yadda.

She had a point.  She was successful in that she had
survived, seen and done incredible things in her career.
Successful because she was brilliant and brave.  But when
he tried to describe it, to put it all in words, it came
off a little too 1950's, late-night, B-grade sci-fi flick.

He admitted to a bias where she was concerned, though.  He
was in love with her, had been for quite a while and
everything she did was wonderful.  Except maybe it wasn't
so wonderful that she continued to question his theories
and logic all the damn time, and how often was he wrong?
But even that was endearing.  She was consistent.  Someday
the time would be right, and he'd tell her he loved her.

He wondered if she regretted staying with him.  He would
never have the nerve to ask, but she could have bailed on
him and the work many times.  She should have, but now it
was her work as well.  There were things in her life to
search for--answers to be found someday through their work
together.  That was the key.  Together they might find what
they sought.

She came back that day with something she called a cocktail
dress, and as promised, it was smashing.  It made him
regret his decision about going with her.  He'd give
anything to see her in that dress.  It was black and slinky
and would no doubt accentuate everything she worked so
carefully to downplay in her working wardrobe.   And then
there were the shoes.  He had never witnessed  it, but he
was sure that when she pulled out all the stops, there was
a voluptuous side to Agent Scully that could drop a man to
his knees.  And in that dress and those shoes .....maybe it
was better that he wasn't escorting her.

But, then again, if he did go with her they could dance.
He dreamed about dancing with Scully, his fingers itched to
hold her close, to feel her warmth through fabric while
moving hypnotically to the rhythm of the music.  To be able
to touch her without fear that she'd pull away, because
that was his greatest fear.  That one day she'd turn away
and keep on going.  How could he ever say goodbye to her?

What was most important, he kept reminding himself, was
that Scully come to some understanding about her life.  In
the end it mattered little what he thought.  What was
important was that she know within herself that she had
succeeded in life on her own terms.  She needn't measure
her success against anyone's definition but her own.  That
was what he wished most for her, even if it meant that he
lost her.  And if she could settle this in her mind, maybe
she could turn her attention to him.

Perhaps this dinner would get her started toward peace.  At
the very least, it might provide the momentum.

**********************************

It was Saturday night, and Dana Scully had somewhere to go.
 Amazing.  And she was almost looking forward to it.
Almost.

She stood in front of her mirror and examined herself.  The
hair--okay.  Her chin length bob tapered into her head just
the way she liked it today.  The body--well, she wasn't one
of those women who worried about putting on a pound or two.
 She was curvy where a woman should be, but perhaps a
little thin.  The dress was a triumph.  She knew by
Mulder's reaction, the quick little intake of breath he
tried to hide with a cough.  Leg's okay, shoes not too
uncomfortable.  She was more convinced than ever that
high-heeled shoes were designed by short Italian men who
hated their mothers.

It was a quick drive to the Admiral's Club, one of the most
exclusive in the greater Washington DC area.  Her name was
checked against the guest list and she was swept inside
with several other people.

Karen was in a receiving line greeting incoming guests to
the Club.  "Dana!"  Karen exclaimed and opened her arms to
her old friend.  "I am so happy to see you."

Her smile was genuine and she hugged her tightly.  "You
look wonderful, Karen.  Congratulations!"

"Listen, I've seated you beside me.  We have so much to
talk about.  Now, mingle.  There are some very interesting
men out by the pool table.  Haven't lost your touch, have
you?"

She smiled, remembering the nights they had spent scamming
fraternity brothers over a game of pool.  No, she hadn't
lost her touch.  She played when the opportunity presented
itself.

Seated at Karen's table with the rest of the old crowd
brought memories of her college years.  She'd had so many
hopes for her future.  She looked around the table at her
friends, known around school as the "circle".  Five
extraordinary women who seemed destined for great things.
First, Dr. Cathy Hess, Pediatrician, married to a
bio-chemist employed by the CDC and mother of two boys.
She looked tired and her husband looked bored.

Senator Linda Cameron was the smoldering brunette of the
group, with her long hair and legs to match.  In school it
was Linda who always had three guys on the hook at any
given time.  Linda was now a sophomore senator from
Maryland and divorced single mother of one very precocious
five-year old.

Then there was Dr. Karen Ramsey, Pulitzer prize wining
author.  Karen married soon after her acceptance into the
plastic surgeon residency at Baltimore General.  Her
marriage lasted three years, about as long as the
residency.  To help her over the divorce she wrote about
her beloved South Carolina and the world of the old-school,
moneyed south.  Scully wondered how the family reacted to
the public airing of their dirty laundry.

The fourth member of the circle was Agent Dana Scully, FBI.

Absent this evening but always in their thoughts, was Beth
Abernathy.  Beth was the spirit of the group, the artistic
one, now involved in a fight for her life with ovarian
cancer and from reports received this evening, not doing
well.  Karen had spoken to her recently, and it didn't
sound good.

"I don't think it will be long now.  She's been through so
much."  Karen said wiping her eyes quickly.

It had been a while since she'd seen her friend and she
suddenly felt an urgency about it.  "I should go and see
her.  We're not overly busy just now, no cases looming."

"You should.  What about this job of yours?  It must be
exciting.  And who is this Mulder you're always talking
about and why didn't you bring him?"

"I asked him and he turned me down.  I think he figured it
would be a big gab session and maybe he was right.  Anyway,
the job is okay.  Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time,
but sometimes we get what we go after.  You solve a case
and save someone's life or save them more pain...it has
it's rewards."

Karen leaned forward and lowered her voice.  "And it's dark
side, I should imagine.  The things you must have seen.
Probably some great stories for a book in there."

If she only knew.  The conspiracies perpetrated against the
American people by their government would undoubtedly make
a best seller.

"And how is your health?  Clean?"  She was referring to the
cancer, the life-threatening tumor that nearly killed
Scully two years prior.

"Just fine.  My doctor declared me cancer free only last
month.  But it makes me want to see Beth right away."
Cancer free but for how long?  They were never really sure
what happened.  It could have been a miracle from God or
the chip that Mulder found, or even he chemotherapy that
kicked in to cure her.

There was dancing and dinner, and presentations made.  In
the end it had been fun and she was glad that she went.
Her dress had been a success, and she was feeling a little
better about things.  Like maybe she really did have a
life.  She needed to get out more and she needed to call
Beth.

************************************

It was snowing heavily by the time she got to work the
following Monday.  Traffic reports had the commute in from
Annapolis at a slow crawl.  Mulder was at the desk, waiting
impatiently for her with coffee and a bear claw.

"So?  How was the big do?  Meet anyone I should know?"  He
took her coat as she removed it and hung it on the coat
tree.  Was it his imagination or was she a little less than
exuberant this morning?

She sat down at her desk and sipped the coffee, closing her
eyes and enjoying the feel of the hot liquid as it warmed
her insides.  "Well, you were right.  I did have a good
time.  I was great to see my friends again.  Well, most of
them."

He took the chair in front of her desk.  "What does that
mean?  Somebody didn't show?"

"She wasn't expected." She said softly, lowering her eyes
to the carpet.

"What?" he asked earnestly, staring across the desk at her.

She looked at him, wondering how to tell him about Beth.
He looks worried, she thought.  Had he alwaysworried about
her this way?

"It's Beth Abernathy, you remember I told you about her.
She's a wonderful artist and has such a way with people.
She's in the hospital...ovarian cancer.  I called
yesterday, but she wasn't able to speak with me.  Her
husband says she failing fast.  I'm going to Orlando to
visit as soon as I talk to Skinner."

He reached across her desk and took her hand.  "Is there
anything I can do?"

"No,....I'll be back as soon as I can.  A couple of days,
no more.  I'm sure she's not up for a lot of visitors, but
it's something I feel I have to do."  I remember how it was
to be at the end of your rope.  Maybe I can say something
that might help her, she thought.

He nodded his head several times, agreeing with her and
searched her face for some clue as to how he might help.
She reached up and covered his hand with her other,
silently thanking him, then removed her hands from his and
continued to drink her coffee.

**************************************

Fate sits on these dark battlements and frowns.

Where had he read that?  It seemed to him like they could
never catch a break.  Have a great time at a  party, then
find out your friend is dying.  Just plain bad luck.

She was only gone three days.  Returning home resigned to
the death of her friend, she allowed Mulder to fuss over
her two hours before putting her foot down.  Her mother
told her about letting people fuss over her occasionally.
It was a way to let them help when words failed.  And
sometimes there were no words that would help.

"All right.... It's not me dying."  Perhaps she had been a
little harsh, but enough was enough.  She needed some space
to think about all this.  Her last words to Roger Abernathy
had been that when the time came, he should call her if
there was anything he needed.

She remembered the pain in his eyes.  What a horrible thing
to have to watch a loved one die that way.  She remembered
seeing a similar pain in Mulder's eyes when it seemed
shehad run out of time.

Beth held on for ten days after Scully's visit.  Mulder Was
out of their office when the call came but returned in the
middle of her conversation with Karen Ramsey.

"Yesterday.... Roger is...well, understandably distraught.
Yes, he has family, so there are people with him.  The
funeral is Saturday.....Yes.....No, I'll call Cathy and
Linda.  Goodbye Karen."

Her friend has died.  His instincts demanded that he help.
Maybe hold her and let her cry until it was all out, but
that Would never do for Scully.  She would bravely hold
herself in check until the necessary steps had been carried
out, then go home and mourn in private.   So the best thing
to do was to keep it small.  Keep his actions small and
quiet.

He put his hand on her shoulder gently, and said he was
sorry about her friend.

"I want you to do something for me." she said, raising her
tear filled eyes to his.

"What?  Anything...." he said, stunned at her response.

"I need you to come with me to Orlando."  It was a simple
statement of fact.  She needed him there with her.  "I
don't know if I can do this alone."

"You don't have to.  Of course I'll go with you."

Finally a window had opened for him to help her, to return
the favors she had so generously bestowed on him in their
seven year partnership.  And he was up to the task.  As
simple as that.  The funeral would be on the weekend, they
could fly out on Friday evening and come home on Sunday.
On their own time, no need to inform the FBI.

Secretly, he was honored that she was allowing him to
accompany her.  She was ordinarily so private with her
emotions.  Perhaps she felt she could trust him with that
part of her now.  He hoped so.  He hoped for so much where
she was concerned.

************************

***************************
As the delicate rose
     To the sun's sweet strength
Doth herself unclose, breadth and length;
So spreads my heart to thee,
     Unveiled utterly,
          I to thee,
          Utterly."     Christina Rossetti
***************************

She'd been quiet all day.  It was raining when they left DC
and dark when they arrived in Orlando and it did nothing to
improve her mood.  Not that he expected it would.  She
seemed inconsolable just now.

It was nearly 9 o'clock by the time they got to the hotel.
Scully had booked a suite of rooms, which was odd.  When
they traveled together they always booked separate rooms.
But this time was different and they both seemed to know
it.

"Are you hungry?"  He stood in front of the window, staring
at the lights absently.  "We could order in something from
room service."  He didn't expect her to be hungry, but he
was.  Maybe she wanted to be by herself.  If that were the
case he could go to the restaurant and give her some space.

But she didn't want space, she wanted a drink.  Then picked
her way around a salad for 10 minutes.

"I need to ask you something, Scully, but I'm almost afraid
to hear your answer."

Curious, she thought.  What would he be afraid of?
"What?"

"Why am I here?  Has something changed that I missed?"

She smiled and lowered her eyes to the tablecloth.  "I told
you, I don't think I can do this alone.  I don't think I
can face another death without risking....." she stopped,
and raised her eyes to his, pleading for his patience.
"Because I need you--I feel like I'm on the verge of
something--shit.  I don't know what's going on with me
anymore.  When I figure it out, I'll let you know."

The sincerity and pain in her voice moved him greatly, but
rather than pursue his thoughts on the matter, he let her
off the hook, smiling playfully.  "So, you just want a
little moral support?  Emotional backup?  Because I can do
that--"

That earned him a smile before she drained her glass and
nodded at the waiter for another.

"Yes, I'll admit it.  I brought you along to hold my hand."

He nodded his head and took her hand.  "That will be my
pleasure, partner."  He could be strong and silent until
she pulled herself together.

Before she retired to her room they sat on the terrace
overlooking the pool and watched to the stars.  Not much
conversation, just company.  She was drained, and the
ordeal had only just begun.

"Well, I should go to bed.  Difficult day tomorrow..." she
mumbled.

He put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.  "Listen,
before you go, I want to tell you something."  He paused,
quickly composing what he wanted to say.

"You know, you've gone it alone for a long time. I'm glad
you've decided to let me help."

She pursed her lips and looked at him from beneath her
arched brows.  "Are you finished?"

He nodded and braced the some cutting remark that would
surely follow.  Instead, she raised up on her toes and
kissed his cheek, then looked at him and tried very hard
not to smile.

"Goodnight, Mulder."

What a woman, he thought to himself for the ten-thousandth
time.   A complicated, brilliant, beautiful woman.
Somebody ought to--someday maybe he would.

****************************

There didn't seem to be anything to say to them except he
was sorry.  And that was certainly the truth because he'd
nearly been there himself; nearly lost his best
friend--twice.  He remembered going with Scully's mom to
choose a headstone.  It was the first time that he'd really
faced up to the possibility that she might be gone.

Scully clung tight to his hand during the graveside
services trying to remain composed.  Why does she try so
hard?  Why doesn't she just cry, it's a funeral for pity
sake.  Actually, he knew the answer to that.  Her grief
would be an imposition.

After the burial a lunch was provided at a nearby hotel.
Scully took the opportunity to introduce him to her
friends.

"I'd like you all to meet my partner--and my best friend,
Fox Mulder."  She hoped she hadn't hesitated too long
between the partner and friend part.  She didn't want them
to think he was only her professional partner, because he'd
gone way beyond that a long time ago.

"Mulder, this is Dr. Karen Ramsey, and Senator Linda
Cameron.  And the last of the group, Dr. Cathy Hess."

He shook hands and traded pleasantries with each of them,
then turned to Scully and whispered, "Two doctors and a
Senator?  All I've got are three ultra-paranoid conspiracy
hunters."

She chuckled and drew him into conversation with the women.
 Secretly, she enjoyed the reactions of her friends to her
partner.  Mulder was like candy to women;  boyish good
looks, a good listener, and that sexy lower lip.
Not to mention that he knew everything about everything.
Obscure things that sounded like he just happened to have
that information right at his fingertips, regardless the
subject.  Space debris?  Mulder could quote the estimated
weight of all space debris, what the damage might have been
to the last space shuttle mission based on the window of
re-entry.  Rare orchids?  Oh yes, several varieties of the
rarest orchids were recently discovered growing in an
obscure region of the rain forests of some South American
country that she never heard of---and so on.  It was
scarey.

Observing that he was engaged in conversation, she slipped
away and went to talk to Roger.

"Well, it's been a difficult day Dana, but I think we did
Beth proud."

She hugged him again, and nodded in agreement.  "Yes,
Roger.  I know it doesn't sound right exactly, but it was a
nice funeral."

She admired the fact that he was able to smile about it.
"You know, she was so happy that you came to see her.
Whatever you two talked about seemed to ease her mind in
those last days.  She wanted me to tell you how grateful
she was."

They had talked about God and faith and things eternal.
Beth had observed the cross that she had worn on her neck
as long as anyone could remember and asked Scully if she
was a believer.  She shared her experience and feelings
about her cancer, when it seemed she would certainly die
and how she came to terms with it.  She admitted to her
frail friend that she wasn't sure she ever did come to
terms with the disease.  The one thing didn't struggle
with, though, was telling the people in her life what they
meant to her before it was too late.  She had never
embraced the idea of her death, but tried to comfort those
around her about it.

Tears formed immediately as she recalled her afternoon with
Beth.  And once the tears started she had to excuse
herself.  She made her way quickly outside, bursting
through the doors in search of  air, clutching her hand to
her chest.   She breathed deeply for a few moments, then
sensed someone behind her.  There was a hand on her elbow,
and a gentle voice in her ear.  "You okay?"

Startled, she turned to look up into the face of her
partner.  After only a moments hesitation she stepped
forward and wrapped her arms gently around his waist.
Lying her cheek against his tie she took a few deep,
head-clearing breaths.

She didn't say anything, and he didn't ask, just bent his
head and laid his cheek against the softness of her hair.
She wasn't crying, and there really was nothing he needed
to say.  When finally she loosened the grip around his
waist, he opened his arms to let her go.

"Come on.  Let's walk."  She said, taking his hand.

It was a balmy day in Florida, warm for February.  The
gardens around the hotel and it's four star restaurant were
beautiful and not to be missed, according to the
guidebooks.  As they walked Scully began to talk, letting
loose a whole treatise on her feelings about her choices in
life, her cancer and how it had affected her.  She even
shared with him how her faith had been bolstered by  that
brush with death.  When it seemed like the conversation was
headed in his direction, she hesitated.

"Maybe I've said enough for one day, huh?"

"Maybe." He said, with a shrug of his shoulders.  She's
giving me a chance to cut and run, he thought to himself.
He stopped and turned to face her before continuing.

"Listen, it's been an emotional few days for you.  It's not
that I don't want to know what's at the end of all this,
but I do want you to know what it could cost us if you're
not completely sure about everything."  Whatever she'd been
struggling with these past months might be the fact that
she needs to move on and without him.  "Take some time to
think, away from the all that's happened today.  If it
takes two months or two days, I'm not going anywhere."

She lifted her eyes to his, shading them against the sun's
glare.   Maybe he's right.  Maybe I am rushing forward to
quickly.  Maybe I am feeling pressured by something.

"All right.  Fair enough.  But I want you to know how much
it means to me to have you as my friend.  You've helped me
in ways that you wouldn't understand even if I could
explain."

He could be flip with his response to that.  Or he could
blurt it all out--how if he had to, he'd gladly give up his
life for her.  Instead, he decided on a response somewhere
in the middle to but let her know that he was interested in
hearing the rest of this conversation at some point in the
near future.

"Some things don't need to be explained.  I know how you
feel."  She was telling him that she didn't take him or his
friendship for granted.  He knew that.  He knew she needed
him.  "I could never begin to thank you for the times
you've come to my rescue." He continued.   "So, you can
stop all this gratitude talk.  We could never be even, and
who's counting anyway?"

Something passed between them then that neither would be
able to put into words.   Something in her eyes, an
expression of sudden enlightenment perhaps.  For Mulder,
hope.  Hope that she'd return the feelings that he had for
her someday.

She returned his smile, then slipped her arm through his
and they continued their walk in silence, each lost in
thought on the changes taking place in their lives.

Scully said goodbye to her friends that afternoon,
promising to see them at Karen's wedding.   Her folks would
be throwing a real "do" for her in May, and her friends
insisted she must bring Mulder.

On the plane, the tears she'd held back the past few days
would no longer be contained.  Although it hurt him to see
her pain, he endured it knowing that by expressing it she
would begin to let it go and heal.

*********************

*******************************
It's goal the river knows,
  Dewdrops find a way.
Sunlight cheers the rose
   In her day:
Shall I, lone sorrow past,
Find thee at the last?
    Sorrow past,
     Thee at last?              Christina Rossetti
********************************

Winter passed quickly.  New cases--distractions for Scully
from the emotional trauma she'd experienced, enabling her
to put aside whatever she'd been sorting through.  Was it
her imagination, or had life gotten a little easier?

And then another invitation came in the mail.  This one was
to Karen's wedding and was  addressed to Dr. Dana Scully
and Guest.  And Guest.....

The only person she considered taking was Mulder.  It would
be fun; four days at Karen's family home at the Carolina
coast.  After the hectic schedule of the past months and
the sadness over the loss of her friend, she would welcome
some time to relax.  And she could get him away from the
FBI for some downtime.  But would he go?  She offered to
buy him lunch, and sprang the wedding on him then.

"Of course I'll go.  Wouldn't miss it." he replied
enthusiastically to her invitation.

She was momentarily caught off her guard.  No banter, no
hemming and hawing on his part or begging on hers.
"Well--great."

"Do I need formal wear?" he asked between bites of
pastrami-on-rye.  As if that would keep him away.  Weddings
were incredibly romantic affairs, maybe it would give her
ideas.  He could hope, couldn't he?

"No," she said laughing.  She quickly pulled the envelope
from her purse and opened the heavy embossed paper and
read.  "Nothing formal.  Just a private ceremony and a big
party.  Bring that good-looking partner of yours."

He swallowed and smiled that goofy smile of his.  She
rolled her eyes impatiently.  As if he doesn't know how he
affects women, she thought.  He knew, but it didn't go to
his head.  Mulder enjoyed women.  Probably not as much as
he could have over the years and secretly she was glad of
that.  What if he'd found someone else?  Could she really
have been happy for him?  Could she listen to him talk
about a new love in his life?  It could still happen if
something didn't change.

"Anyway," she said replacing the invitation in it's
envelope, "It's the last weekend in May.  I'll book the
flight."

"Sounds like fun."  He pushed his empty plate away,
observing his partner like she were a present he was about
to unwrap.  "So, Scully...do you like to dance?"

That smile, the one he seldom saw, the ear-to-ear sparkling
one, broke out on her face.  "Actually, I do Mulder.  You?"

"Sure do.  Do you suppose there will be dancing at this
wedding?"

"I suppose there will be."

"Then, Agent Scully, you got a date."

At home later, lying in her bed, she contemplated what he
had said.  A date, with Mulder.  Something she'd considered
and dismissed a million or more times.     Was she worried?
 About what?  What exactly did she want from him?

She sat up suddenly.  That's it, isn't it?  The big
question, the missing piece of the puzzle.  What exactly do
you want?  You know damn good and well what you want, Dana
Scully.  You want Mulder.  You want him to love you. You
want him in your life on a permanent basis as more than
your professional partner.  You want him in your house and
in your bed.  You want it all, and from Fox Mulder.

The question is, does he want it too.  We will soon see,
she mumbled to herself and fell back onto the pillows.

**********************************
In the month that passed before they boarded the flight to
Charleston, he too considered what might happen and how he
should conduct himself.  It was clear to him that any moves
to be made needed to come from his partner.  It was her
party, after all.  He was pretty sure that he was on trial,
that she was feeling him out and had been for some time.
Would he pass muster with the enigmatic one?  It would be
such a relief to tell her how much he loved her.

It was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep his
mind and his hands on business.  Since that funeral, Scully
had become a much more tactile creature.  Nothing flagrant,
but it seemed to him she'd begun to reach out to him
physically, touching him frequently when they talked,
punctuating her conversations with a hand on his arm or
shoulder.

Something had changed, and he was delighted.  They'd were
straining toward something for such a long time, maybe now
they would find out what it was going to be.

*********************************
The Ramsey's lived pretty well, he thought as he steered
the car around the long circular drive.  He pulled to a
stop and propped an elbow on one knee, staring out the
window at the plantation house if front of him.

"Pretty fancy, Scully." He said, pushing his sunglasses
down his nose a bit to see better.

"I told you we'd have fun.  Karen's folks are really great.
 Come on, let's go."

A large portico covered the massive front doors.  Mulder
observed three stories and ten sets of windows on each side
of the house.

They were ushered into the large open foyer area and
greeted by Karen as she descended the stairs. "Dana!"
Karen hugged her enthusiastically.  "And Fox.  I'm so happy
you both could be here.  Jennings will see to your things.
Mother made all the assignments and she's put you into one
of the private bungalow's. I hope that's all right?"

Mulder turned to Scully.  He knew she was weighing the
implications of the arrangements.  What would they think?
But he said nothing.  Whatever decision she made would be
fine by him.

"I'm sure it will be all right.  Now, where is this fiancé
of yours?"  She turned only for a second to shoot Mulder a
look.  The one that said don't just stand there looking so
smug, mister, and if there aren't two beds in this bungalow
guess who's sleeping on the floor.

He chuckled and followed after the two women hoping for
more than a pillow and the floor for comfort.

She was relieved to find the bungalow had two bedrooms.
Located very close to the water and decorated like a beach
house, it was comfortable and charming.

Making no assumptions about anything, Mulder put her bags
in one room and his in another.  They'd come this far, he
wasn't going to screw it up now.

"All right, you two.  Cocktails are at five and dinner at
seven.  We're having a big barbecue this evening, and my
Father has invited some musicians in.   It should be fun,
so relax.  Enjoy.  If you need anything, pick up the phone.
 Jennings will take care of it.  And there's a little
fridge with snacks, and some wine I believe."  She winked
at Mulder and made her exit.

Mulder had removed his jacket and his long frame was draped
across the sofa.  Four days.....he closed his eyes and
breathed deeply.  When he opened them again, Scully was
sitting in a chair opposite, smiling at him.  "What?"

She looked away a second, then back at him.  "Well, it's
just that I've never seen you make such a conscious effort
to relax."

He closed his eyes again, folding his hands over his
stomach.  "Feels kinda good, hmmm?"

Scully continued to stare at him for a few moments longer,
enjoying the moment, then went to unpack her bag.  She
didn't want her clothes to wrinkle any further.  She'd
brought too many things, which was odd.  She was a master
at getting along on two outfits for a week when they were
working and traveling.  But this was different.  It wasn't
work.  It was life.

She couldn't stop smiling as she pulled out the dress she'd
bought for the Alumni thing, the one that Mulder nearly
swallowed his tongue over.  Then the pale yellow outfit she
would wear to the wedding.  She briefly wondered what
Mulder brought to wear, but it didn't really matter.  He
looked great in everything.

There was a knock at her door and Mulder asked if she
wanted to go exploring as it was still early.  She agreed,
and changed into shorts and sneakers.  It was hot and
humid, more so than Washington DC this time of year.  After
applying some sunscreen, she joined him on the porch.  He
too had changed, into khaki's
and a white shirt, the sleeves of which were rolled up to
his elbows.  With a camera and his sunglasses in hand they
set out into the afternoon heat.

The Ramsey's had a wonderful stable, and the property
included a dock and some small boats.  There was an
attendant, who asked if they cared to take one of the
sailboats out.  In no time, they were out on the water,
Mulder issuing orders to the first mate.   His sailing
skills had been honed on the islands of Cape Cod and he was
a good sailor, handled the boat well.

This was a side of Mulder she had not seen.  Staring out
over the water, a warm breeze occasionally ruffling his
hair, he was a different man.  He seemed to shed the pain
of his abducted sister and his dead parents, and made some
deep connection to the open water.   She saw a strong,
confident man.  Someone she loved.

"You're staring."  He said without turning his head.

"Was I?  I'm sorry."  But she wasn't.  At his moment, the
physical attraction she felt for him was overpowering.

"What were you thinking about?"

She responded quietly, but firmly.  "You."

He turned his head slowly and dropped a smile on her that
threatened to undo her completely.  "Hmmm."  That was all
he said.  Just Hmmm.

********************************

He'd been right about that dress, it did display everything
she usually worked hard to hide.  Black and slinky with the
simple lines that she favored.  And the back!  It dipped
down over her shoulders, exposing her very lovely back.
How she kept it on her shoulders he might investigate
later, but now he stood openly appreciating....everything.
Everything about her was different.  Sexy and feminine.

"Stunning...." He breathed.  "Scully, you are stunning."

She tipped her head a little acknowledging his compliment.
"Thank you."

"Shall we go?"  He said, holding the door as she passed in
front of him.  He caught the scent of her perfume and
inhaled deeply, then cleared his throat and followed after
her.  He was more than pleased when her hand eased into his
as they walked.

Yes indeed, the Ramsey's did know how to throw a party.
The setting was magnificent.  The buffet was surrounded by
magnolia trees.  There was a portable dance floor, groups
of chairs meant for relaxing, and tables for eating.
Colored lights were strung in all the trees and the band
had begun to play.

The out of town guests numbered fifty or sixty and included
Scully's college chums.  They were all seated at the same
large table, and chatted happily about the old days.
Mulder was more interested in current events and when the
music started made it a point to get each of the women on
the dance floor.

Scully was doing her share of dancing as well.  Finally,
when the music slowed, he took her hand and led her to the
dance floor. She fit comfortably into his arms, and their
eyes locked and the music and the people faded away.
Tropical sea blue met hazel for the duration of that dance
and several others.

********************************
It was late when they finally walked back to the bungalow,
and still quite warm. Claiming too much wine and fatigue,
Scully decided to go to bed.  He stayed outside while she
changed.

Mixed with the sounds of the gentle surf on the shore, he
could hear the music from the party, and could see the
lights from where he sat on the porch in the swinging
chair.

He rocked slowly back and forth remembering the day in his
head.  A truly fine day.  So many great things had
happened.  The best of it was dancing with Scully.  He
closed his eyes a minute and brought the scene to his minds
eye.  He remembered the way he felt when his hand touched
her exposed back as they danced and all the places her body
came into contact with his as they moved.  But mostly, how
much he wanted to kiss her.

"It certainly is beautiful here."

He opened his eyes and found her standing before him in her
blue satin robe.  He smiled and patted the seat beside him.
 As if they had been together for years, his arm slid
across the back of the swinging chair and encircled her
shoulders as she got comfortable beside him, leaning in and
wrapping one arm around his waist.  He started the gentle
swinging when she was settled.

"It is beautiful.  And so are you."  There he'd said it.
It was out there, hanging in the warm evening breeze.

He knew she'd heard him, he knew because her arm tightened
around his waist.  But she waited a while before she
responded.  "I love you, Mulder."

Had he heard her correctly?

The planets have finally aligned properly, he thought, and
probably any moment a tidal wave will rise up in the
Atlantic and sweep them and the good citizens of Charleston
out to sea.  So he waited, but nothing happened.

Except he felt her beside him as she moved a little closer,
then her lips on his cheek and her voice in his ear.  "I
love you."

He turned his head to look in her eyes.  "Would you be
surprised to know that I love you too, that I have for a
very long time?"

"No, and it makes me very happy to hear it."

Slowly, his mouth neared hers, their lips connected
briefly, tentatively at first, then more confidant and
determined.  Somehow, she ended up in his lap, and the
swing kept moving.  Scully moved her mouth from his and
rubbed her cheek against his chest, listening to the beat
of his heart.  Her hand slipped into his shirt and twined
around him, then slowly stopped in it's explorations.

It took him only a moment to realize just how tired his
partner was.  She was drifting off on him.  He wanted to be
offended, but in the end how could he be?  It had been a
long day, and she had indulged in more than one glass of
wine.  The rocking lulled her to sleep, and he was happy to
continue holding her.   There would be other nights.
 

**********************************

Someone was pounding on her head--no, maybe it was the
door.

"Scully?"

She turned over and sat up.  Mulder was standing in her
doorway with a tray.

"What, Mulder?  What's wrong?" she said, rubbing her eyes,
trying to focus.  She'd been statled awake by him too many
times when trouble was brewing not to be suspicious.
Perhaps there had been a murder or one of the wedding
guests had disappeared.

"Nothing's wrong." He said, placing the tray on the table
by her bed before sitting beside her.  "I brought you some
coffee and toast."

Finally able to focus, she looked at the tray.  A beautiful
magnolia in full bloom floated in a glass dish, it's heady
fragrance mingling with the intoxicating aroma of freshly
brewed coffee.  She looked at the tray, then at him.  He
was smiling, that sly grin that said he'd gotten one over
on her, and he knew it.

"Good Morning."  He said, leaning in to claim her mouth for
a good morning kiss.

"Good Morning, Mulder."  She returned his smile, then
pushed her hair out of her eyes and settled back against
the pillows.  "You're up early."

He got up and opened the drapes, letting in a flood of
bright sunshine.  "Actually it's after ten.  I tried to be
quiet, I hope I didn't wake you."

"I never heard a thing.  Wait, it's after ten?  Damn......"
she had thought about a swim before dressing for the
wedding.  She poured some coffee and reconsidered a plan
for the day.  She poured him a cup and went to stand beside
him.  "Here, handsome."

"Jennings says that a car will be waiting to take us down
to the chapel by the river where the ceremony will be
held."

"Good, then I'll have time to drink my coffee before I need
to get dressed."

He turned to her, an anxious expression on his face.
"Listen, Scully.  About last night?"

She ducked her head, a little embarrassed that she'd fallen
asleep.  "I'm sorry.  I was so tired--I just couldn't stay
awake."

He folded her into his arms.  "No, don't be sorry about
that.  I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't dreamed the
whole thing."

She smiled against his T-shirt, then lifted her eyes to
his.  "No, you didn't dream it.  I said I love you, and I
mean it."

La vita, e bella, he thought to himself.  Life is good, and
getting better every day.

***********************************
They enjoyed coffee and shared the paper in the
air-conditioned comfort of her room before it was time to
dress for the wedding.  Scully adjourned to her bathroom
and showered leisurely.

When she returned, Mulder raised his brows appreciatively
at her appearance.  She looked beautiful, but she would
look good wrapped in newspaper.  Her cheeks and her nose
were a bit pink from the sailing, and she looked wonderful.
 He had chosen for himself a lightweight linen sport coat
and olive colored slacks, along with a tie that the
salesclerk assured him was "too hip".

It was a ten minute drive across the property in the long
white car to the church.  After they were seated, Scully
took the time to notice the beauty of the Chapel by the
Bay.  Adorned for the occasion with yellow and white roses,
white camellias and magnolia blossoms, it was dark and cool
inside.  It was a welcome contrast from the heat of the
day, and the perfect place for a wedding.

She was drawn suddenly from her daydreaming by the wedding
march, and Mulder took her arm, urging her to her feet.
Karen was walking slowly down the aisle on her father's
arm.  Quick, hot tears formed in Scully's eyes when she
realized that if she and Mulder were to marry, her father
would not be there to perform this duty for her.  Asking
one of her brothers to give her away, and to Fox Mulder,
was out of the question.  She'd have to go it alone.

And what about Mulder.  Who would stand up for him?  There
would be no family on the Groom's side.  It was sad.  Even
though they would not approve of her choice, her brothers
would show up.

She turned her eyes up to him, needing to see his face at
this moment.  But his focus was forward.  Her eyes devoured
his profile, feature by feature. The wide, open forehead,
long straight nose, soft, spiky eyelashes, and that
wonderful mouth.  The man she loved.  The man she could see
herself with forever.  She would be his family now.  Maybe
she always had been.

She closed her eyes just a moment and dreamed into the
future.   Mulder in middle age, distinguished, graying at
the temples.  Bad knees and creaky joints, but still
Mulder.  Quirky sense of humor still at work, making his
double entendres with lightening precision.  Still the man
she needed.

She felt something pressed into her hand and looked down to
see a folded white handkerchief.  Mulder turned, and
lowered his gaze to her, not saying a word, but
communicating none the less.  With his eyes he told her
knew what she was thinking, and shared her thoughts.  I
need you too.  I want you and I love you.  It was an
intimate moment, one of the most intimate they'd known, yet
they were standing in a room full of people.  He reached
around to cradle her head in his hand while he kissed her.
 

Scully stayed poised on her toes after his kiss, savoring
this moment with eyes closed against any intrusion.  When
she opened them, he was still smiling down at her, then
snaked an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to
his side.

Vows and rings were exchanged by the bride and groom, and
the group moved to the country club where the small
reception would occur.   Mulder thanked Karen for inviting
him, explaining how much he had enjoyed the weekend.

"You know, there are two days left, Fox.  Make the most of
them."

He was trying to ignore the inflection in her voice.  He
knew exactly what she meant, but was suddenly uncomfortable
about being so obvious.

Karen laughed, loudly.  "You two are about as transparent
as glass.  I've given you privacy, all the food and liquor
you could want, a beautiful setting.....come on, Mulder,
make your move.  Get with it."

Good advice.

They stayed only an hour at the reception.  Karen explained
the schedule for the rest of the weekend, but winked at
them and said she would understand if she didn't see them.
 

"What was going on between you and Karen?  What was all
that winking about?"

"She told me we were as transparent as glass.  And she's
right."   He said, pulling her into the car and into his
arms.  He kissed her, working his mouth over hers
intensely.  He stopped only briefly to instruct the driver
to take them back to the bungalow, then returned his
attention to her.  She was smiling,  leaning back against
the seat looking incredibly sexy.

"I suddenly wish we were back in your room, alone." He
said, kissing his way around her neck, his hands making
their way under her jacket to trace the outline of her
body.

"We will be...soon."  She whispered into his ear before
gently nipping his earlobe with her teeth.

It dawned on her that she was about to make love with Fox
Mulder.  They had found what everyone was searching for and
few would ever find.  The one person in the world they were
born to love, and she knew it was true and real. There were
no words for the feeling yet, her brain refused to engage
her mouth to form the words she wanted to say.  All she
could do was feel.

Neither could recall the drive from the Country Club to the
bungalow, or how or when they shed their clothing.  Or when
the sun went down, or when they ate last.  What they
remembered when they could think clearly again was the time
they had lost, and the thousand things they needed to tell
each other.

How like rivers flowing in the same direction toward the
sea would eventually flow together, they had turned to each
when the timing was right.  Scully had realized her
successes in life and given up thinking of the things she
might have had, had she chosen another path.

Together they had found life's greatest prize.

*************************
All the while you were in front of me I didn't realize.
I can't believe I didn't see it in your eyes.
I didn't see it, I can't believe, but I feel it.
(Marc Anthony, You Sang to Me)
*************************
(end of story, Part 3 of 3)
*************************
 

Authors Notes:  I don't know anything about the University
of Maryland, only that that is where Scully received her
degree.  I've been to South Carolina, but I made this stuff
up too.  Just go with it--  Enjoy the story.  Life is
short.

The poetry quoted throughout the story and the title come
from a Christina Rossetti poem "Confluents".  It was my
inspiration for the story.

Feedback is like chocolate; you can never get enough.  (no
shameless pleading intended) paperheart@webtv.net 


=====
anna ;-) (aka paperheart)